Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
