we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
