Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
