guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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