When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
