He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
