My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I am midnight drunk by noon
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
