I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
