we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
