Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
