North Korea, Best Korea!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
