i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
