You smell like stripper and shame
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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