All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
