Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
