i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
