im drinking this country out of the recession.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
