Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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