Dual....:-)
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
