his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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