So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
