I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
