Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
