im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You're a waste of cheezeits
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
