Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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