We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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