I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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