Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
