idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
