She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
