Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
