Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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