i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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