It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
