I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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