Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
