Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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