im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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