do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
