did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
