it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
this boner is exhausting
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
