Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
