There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
