I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
