I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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