i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
