i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
