my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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