I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
