And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
