On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
