Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
