R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
