When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
