I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
