we have pet lesbian snakes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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