he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
