Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
