You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
