please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
