i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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