Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
