He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
