You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize