Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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