you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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