I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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